Today is a new day. There is this sadness still in my heart, that will probably linger there for quite a while, but this weekend has refreshed me, renewed me in such a way that has refocused my life around Jesus. I think part of myself got lost in trying to restore the philosopher's hope in You Lord. In the midst of my relationship with the philosopher and our identities not being rooted in You, Lord, I began to lose knowing who I am. I was reminded last night in the presence of Your love and mercy that my identity is in You. What makes me me is that I know and love You and that I want to live a life in response to Your saving love. So many times You have saved me from things and out of things that when the philosopher broke up with me, I was a little lost, not being firmly rooted in my identity in You. It's as if in his uncertainties about life and me rubbed off on me and I lost who I was--it's embarrassing to admit that someone could have such an effect on me, but I love him and when he started pulling away I naturally thought there was something wrong with me and tried to figure it out, therein questioning everything about myself and who I was. Well, I'm on my way back to knowing myself beginning with knowing the most important thing about me, and that's that my identity is rooted in Christ, not in what I do, not my accomplishments, not who my friends are, but in You who died for my sins and placed Your spirit inside of me. Whatever happens with the philosopher and I, I trust You completely and completely surrender our relationship to You. You breathed Your breathe into man (Gen 2:7) and gave him life, just as You breathed Your life into me, I pray that I would become a catalyst for your love transferring Your breathe of life out into the world.
Difficult circumstances, trials, tribulations will come, but You are still God. You remain the ever-present, never-changing, always-loving God who is living inside of me. You say that "[I am, myself] God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in [my] midst" (1Cor. 3:16), You say to me "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters" (2 Cor. 6:18); You tell me to "not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut.31:6). Lord, thank You for being Yourself....that sounds silly, but seriously, thank You!!! Thank You for revealing Your love for me so quickly, even when I wanted to ignore it and just be sad, depressed, and without hope...You tell me, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11) and "in all things God works for the good of those who love him" (Rom. 8:28) and Lord I love You.
And my verse for 2011: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2Cor 5:16)
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