more than conquerers

At this very moment, my entire heart does not have even a hint of thirst after my acceptance by God.  I am alone with Him and He fills every void.  I do not have one wish, one will, or one desire, except in Him.  He has set my feet in His large room.  And I am in awe, standing amazed that He has conquered everything within me, through His love.  Lady Huntington


Holy are You, Lord, whose power and love knows no bounds!  Lord, I pray that I would not have one wish, one will, or one desire outside of You--that You would conquer every notion that would stand in opposition to You and fill every part of my being with Your love.  Lord, I pray that I would know You in this way, that I would live from a place of union with You--that no decision would be made apart from You.  Lord, "[I] do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is [my] life? [I am] a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, [I] ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that” so that Your hand would be at work in my life and You would be glorified (James 4:14,15).  Lord I do not know what tomorrow brings, or if You will bring me a tomorrow, but I pray that You would be glorified and praised in my heart today, that my life would reflect Your truth and love, that I would not fear anything, for You are with me; and that the freedom that comes from living in Your truth would bring honesty and transparency to my thoughts and actions. 


Please give me wisdom and understanding for today Lord.  Please work in my heart and teach me today.  "Great are you, O Lord, and exceedingly worthy of praise; your power is immense, and your wisdom beyond reckoning. And so we men, who are a due part of your creation, long to praise you – we also carry our mortality about with us, carry the evidence of our sin and with it the proof that you thwart the proud. You arouse us so that praising you may bring us joy, because you have made us and drawn us to yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you" (Saint Augustine, Confessions 1, 1).  May my heart rest in You, and not let the temporality of this world thwart me from Your presence.  May my feelings come and go, while my heart stays rooted in You, my days in union with You, and my thoughts, words, and actions encouraged by You, through You, so that You may be glorified.  I cry out to You today, Lord, for the clarity of Your still small voice to be ever-present in my mind, leading me in what I ought to do and where I ought to go.  "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
       “For your sake we face death all day long;
         we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life...will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35-39)  


"I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears. 
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them."  (Psalm 34:4-7)

art

God, I am here for Your benefit, for Your glory, for Your name to be praised.  Whatever You may bring about in this life, may it be for my growth in Your Spirit, through Your Son, for Your glory.  I pray that my life would be an display of Your love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, peace, patience, long-suffering, perseverance, truth, and hope; not for my glory but for the One who lives inside me and through me.  This heart, which You have freed from bondage and rescued from death, may You abide in it and live through it, strengthen it, and call it home.  "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." (1 Cor. 6: 19-20)

this deep

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

And make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

love abides

I've entertained the idea of getting a tattoo that reads "love abides" for about 5 years.  I have yet to get it and know that I probably will not follow through with it, and will remain writing these words on my left wrist as a reminder of God's love and His Spirit that abides in me.


When I feel lost, alone, unloved; these two small words remind me of God's Spirit which has been placed inside me and that His love abides in me, as I aim to abide in the love of Christ--accepting and trusting His promises and living in obedience to His commands.  I pray for this joy you speak of Lord.  This joy that rests in hope of eternal life even while living in this temporal world.  Feelings may come and go, but Your love is eternal, and abiding.


“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.   


“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
John 15: 5-13

truth

"For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles. 

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen." Romans 1: 21-25

truth, by Lauren Hanson, circa. 2005.

A little piece of art I did back in the day... a darker day.  As dark as it is and as dark of a time in my life as it was, the paradox of this piece of are is that I knew the truth--and even though I kept "denying the truth", in all reality I could not.  God would eventually lead my heart away from this darkness and into His light.  God is the truth, and the truth of who He is, speaks louder than any circumstance, feeling, even choices made in rejection to His abiding and abounding love.  When we decide to take control of our own lives, apart from God and outside of His guidance, we will find ourselves here in this desolate place.  We "bypass the realities of the heart and soul from which life really flows "(p. 140, Hearing God) when we attempt to direct our lives, verses allowing God to do His work in us and through us for our good and His glory.

Lately, I've been getting this notion of God leading me to "let go"; let go of all of the things I desire, and surrender and submit myself at His feet.  God has been refining me and moving me into a state of desperate dependence on Him.  He is calling me into a relationship that is daily and momently, relying on His strength and power through communicating with Him.  By His power alone, am I made able.  "When we consider a life of participation in God's kingdom rule, we are not looking at anything that we must make happen.  The extent of our obligation is to be honestly willing and eager to be made able." (p.136, Hearing God, Willard).  Lord, I am willing and eager to be made able to participate in Your kingdom, for the glory of Your name, so that all might know the love and freedom You freely give!  Lord, You are great beyond all measure.  You hear the cries of my heart and You speak to me.  My home I find in You, in Your will, in obedience to You, only by Your strength and Your power, and Your mercy, and forgiveness, and love.  You are my peace.  You are my hope.         

the cure for pain

patience for today and tomorrow

“And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise” (Heb. 6:15).

Abraham was long tried, but he was richly rewarded. The Lord tried him by delaying to fulfil His promise. Satan tried him by temptation; men tried him by jealousy, distrust, and opposition; Sarah tried him by her peevishness. But he patiently endured. He did not question God’s veracity, nor limit His power, nor doubt His faithfulness, nor grieve His love; but he bowed to Divine Sovereignty, submitted to Infinite Wisdom, and was silent under delays, waiting the Lord’s time. And so, having patiently endured, he obtained the promise.

God’s promises cannot fail of their accomplishment. Patient waiters cannot be disappointed. Believing expectation shall be realized.

Beloved, Abraham’s conduct condemns a hasty spirit, reproves a murmuring one, commends a patient one, and encourages quiet submission to God’s will and way. Remember, Abraham was tried; he patiently waited; he received the promise, and was satisfied. Imitate his example, and you will share the same blessing.  (Excerpt from Streams in the Desert, Sept. 11.)

Lord, this is my prayer, that I would not limit your power or question your faithfulness.  May I hold tightly to You Lord, leaning into Your divine strength and power, comforted by Your love.  My trust is in You, may it be steadfast.  My hope is in You, may it endure forever.  My good is what You desire, for Your glory...Lord, imprint these desires on my heart.  I long for presence in eternity with You Lord, may Your spirit dwell in me, may Your strength sustain me, may Your love embrace me, may Your patience become my own until that day.  You have placed desires in my heart and I know that they would not be there if you did not place them there.  Lord, I trust Your timing, by Your blessing, You will fulfill Your promises, or You will extinguish them from me.  Lord, my hope is in You, creator, sustainer, savior of the universe.  You love me, are working in me, and are refining me for Your glory and Your kingdom.  Through a period of upheaval, I welcome the refining Lord because I know that You are drawing me closer to You and strengthening my faith.  By Your grace and mercy and power and love You have blessed me with incredible strength and a trust in Your faithfulness, Lord please continue to let me rest within the safety of Your wings.  Only by Your power can I do anything.

This current experience is a rainbow, Your promise to me that You would never let me go.  Four years ago I found myself in a similar experience and struggled to cling to You.  I clung to other things, anything I could find that I felt like I could control.  I cried for months, I stopped eating, i stopped talking to You, I questioned You, I didn't trust You, I asked how You could do this to me, to my heart.  Lord, no matter what happens, I trust You completely!  You have rescued me from dark destructive places and restored me.  You are faithful, and I know that You will never let me go.  Remembering Your faithfulness, especially in the midst of my distrust, encourages me even now when I could be turning away.  I could resign to my own decisions, my own devices, my own destruction; and yet I know that I have a God who knows me and loves me and has been working inside me for so long.  I pray that You would always keep me in a place of utter dependence on You Lord, I can't and don't want to do this life on my own.  

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."  Romans 5:1-5


I rejoice in the hope of the glory of God!  Hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.   

9/11

Broken Lungs - Thrice


Woke up to a brand new skyline
We licked our wounds and mourn the dead
Swallow the story hook and sinker
Is that what we meant when we said
That we never would forget?

Are we fools and cowards all
To let them cover up their lies?
Cause we all watched the buildings fall
Watched the scales fall from our eyes

A fire burns beneath Manhattan
Still we breathe with broken lungs
We act like none of this matters
Is that what we meant When we said
That we'd sing what must be sung?

Are we fools and cowards all
To let them cover up their lies?
Cause we all watched the buildings fall
Watched the scales fall from our eyes

We want answers
Scream from the roofs
We want justice
We want the truth

true love

I am sad because I miss you, I miss you because I love you, I love you because I now know what love truly is.  What I want most in the world is what is good and right for you.  I want what is best for you, God's best for you; even if it means being without me (my body and soul shutter at the thought, but this is true).  I want you to live a life that is honoring and glorifying to God, using the gifts that He has blessed you with, and pursuing the passions He has put in your heart.  I see us doing this together, along side one another, building each other up, encouraging each other, challenging each other, and throughout all of these things, loving each other--with the love that God has blessed us with and calls us to, a love that "forgets itself and saves the other from death" (paraphrase for Works of Love, S.K.).

I have hope.  This hope is not of my own, but from the Lord who saves.  Through His power, strength, and deep love for me (even me a sinner, deserving of death), "I cry out to God Most High, to God who performs all things for me.  He shall send from heaven and save me; He reproaches the one who would swallow me up.  Selah God shall send forth His mercy and His truth" to which I cling--may I not be moved (Psa 57: 2 - 3).  My hope is not in my love, even though I do hope for him, but ultimately my hope is in the creator and savior of the universe--I know no matter what trials may come, He is in me, in my heart, steadfast to the end of this life.  In the midst of this trial, I recall past tribulation, pain, and loss and remember how Christ has been there through it all and had recovered my soul and continued to teach, mold, and grow in me, strengthening my relationship with Him.

I feel like I am in a bit of a holding pattern, waiting on God, waiting for Him to speak to you, waiting for you to respond to me, but maybe He is still waiting on me, waiting to teach me more, waiting to show me more of who He wants me to be?  Lord, whatever the case, I pray that you would continue what you are doing in both my and my love's hearts and give us Your divine power and strength to pursue You and give us ears to hear what You want to teach us.  May we continue to grow in Your love, through which, loving each other would result.  Your will be done.