scars

You fill the space of all that the world has left empty.  The expectations and promises of the world left me unfulfilled.  I trusted those who were weak, who knew not what they were saying or thinking.  It is good to trust people, to have hope in people, but not too many times.  Too much faith or trust in people has made me out to be a fool.

There is a deep purple scar on my heart, thick with scar tissue that only You can knead, You can heal, only You can relieve the pain.  I opened myself up to love again, and again, and again

remember, I Am who I Am

May I feel the fullness of your love and grace in the hole that's in my heart.  This crater that you have let form, may you fill it with your overwhelming love and hope and peace and patience, Lord.  You, the God that can create and move mountains, can change hearts and give hope, in places left empty by the world.  

May I not take your grace lightly, may I sit before your feet and begin to grasp the gravity of your grace, the costliness of which You have paid for my sin; and respond with a life that acknowledges this profound gift, without ever taking it lightly or for granted.  

Your gifts are overwhelming and you lavish them upon me, Lord.  May my heart stay humble and thankful before you, even in the midst of things being taken from me or removed from my life--for You know what will be a blessing and honor to Your name and Your kingdom.  When I question and begin to doubt Your purposes in my life, may You remind me that You are sovereign, that You love me, and that You are working all things out for my good and Your glory, Lord.  

Remember.  That's what I hear You saying to me.  Remember, where I have taken You from, remember what I have saved You from, remember who I have called you to be, remember how I responded to you when you have cried out to me, remember what I have taught You, remember my words and my works in your life, Lauren.  Remember who I am.  Look around you, do you see this beautiful world I have created, look into the eyes of the people I have placed in your life, listen for My still small voice in our time together.  You are my daughter, whom I've known before you were born, I love you and I will not let you go, I am with you and living inside of you, I will not leave you or forsake you, you are beautiful in my eyes and I will see My work in you through the end of this life--till we meet face to face. 

lead me

"Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love." 2 Peter 1:2-7

"It is the initiative of God and the presence of god without which all of our efforts are in vain--whether it is in justification or sanctification or in the realm of the exercise of power, all our efforts will be in vain if God does not act.  But we had better believe that the back side of that verse reads: "If you do nothing it will be without me."  And this is the part we have the hardest time hearing"  Dallas Willard, Spiritual Formation: What it is, and How it is Done

Create in me a new heart, oh Lord.  May my life reflect Your Holy Spirit that lives inside me.  I pray that You would give me Your strength and peace and holiness during uncertain times, that You would be my rock and my joy.  May what I profess with my lips be proclaimed through my life.  Keep me steadfast in your love--recognizing my failures and thus, my desperate need for you, while helping to make me holy, loving and giving back to You that which is already Yours.

Lord, You have captured my heart from the darkness and rescued me into Your light, may You continue to work in me and help me to grow into a creature that is beautiful.  I pray that You would narrow the gap between what I confess with my mouth and how I act in this world.  Since this life is eternal, I pray that You would give me the strength to obey You, a heart that desires goodness, and a body that acts in communion with You and Your purposes.  Keep me from disobedience and encourage me into actions of Your will, for Your glory, Lord.

through and through

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.  May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it."  1Thessalonians 5:23-24

strength

A strength of hope, of trust.  Not merely a strength of pushing forward or pushing through, but this sort of strength from within.  Not from me, but from within me.  My God, how great thou art.  How Your hope and trust has been blanketed upon me.  A gift of comforting warmth and protection, from all things, my circumstances and especially my inner urge to push on, push through, push forward.  Thank You Lord, for answering prayers, especially mine.  eegghh, it makes me want to cry in joyful adoration, Lord....You are so good to me and beyond what I could dream up to heal myself.  Thank you for Your patience, Lord.  I trust You and give my whole self to You again today.  May my actions praise You, honor You and bring glory to Your name.

job 10

“Your hands shaped me and made me.
   Will you now turn and destroy me?
Remember that you molded me like clay.
   Will you now turn me to dust again?
Did you not pour me out like milk
   and curdle me like cheese,
clothe me with skin and flesh
   and knit me together with bones and sinews?
You gave me life and showed me kindness,
   and in your providence watched over my spirit."


job 10:8-12

a hope greater than life

Miracles make it easy to believe in God, to trust Him, to have hope.  Lord, thank you for Your countless blessings and Your eager willingness to watch over me and guide my heart back into Your presence.  Even when I feel alone and abandoned by you, You remind me that You are here with me, in this place, and that You will never leave me no matter how rough the road or how stormy the sea, You will continue to guide those who trust and have hope in You.

the fog

This fog is like a prelude to: the days of tomorrow, to the days of no more sorrow.

To the dreams that turn to fears, and the fears that change to tears.

Till I wake alone in my winters bed,

Chilled salty emptiness upon my face,

Icey air that flurries around my head,

Leaden heart inveigles to end this race.

I long for thy presence and wait...

Longing for the days where I enjoy a sunset, where what follows I no longer dread.

For the days of laughter and cheers, covering all those of loneliness and fears.

This fog is thicker, now as I wait upon tomorrow...