a room in my heart

there's a room inside my heart that's been longing for you all my life.

I didn't know what you would look like, I didn't know what your name was, I didn't know when I would meet you, when I would fall in love with you, but you, my dear, have surpassed my deepest longings and filled my heart with a joy I've never known.

My Lord, my God, my Father, "thank you" are inadequate words for the overwhelming love I have for this man.

I love him, I trust him, and I respect him, Lord.  He is a good man, he longs to serve and honor You with his life, he encourages me in my relationship with you.  When we pray it's as if I get a peak into this ongoing continuous dialogue he has with You.

He is gentle, he is kind, he is thoughtful, he is humble and puts others before himself.

His eyes make my heart swoon.  Eyes like a deer, big and wide, yet sparkly and constantly changing color.  His mouth is sweet and beckons me when he smiles.

Lord, thank you for this heart, placed in such a gift of a man.  Thank you for his love, his strength, his wisdom, the peace and excitement he gives my heart.  Far beyond I could ever have dreamed, is this man—my love.  All of my gratitude and thanksgiving unto you Lord, your mercy, grace, and gifts are so good.

gratitude

My heart is full Lord, even when I am not following You as I should be, You lift me up and out and graciously bless me with Your mercies.  What makes You sad, makes me sad Lord--how I long to live for You, a life that is beautiful and glorifying to You, obedient to You, and in alignment with Your will and Your purposes, Lord.

Thank you for aligning his heart with Yours, Lord, thank you for giving him a heart that longs for the same things I do, even when I am too weak to voice my thoughts.  Thank you for a man who acts in accordance with his heart, who puts no delay to what is good and of You, thank you for a man who loves You.  How beautifully wonderful You have sewn together a heart that encourages mine not to fear, but to be bold for You and Your truth and goodness.  May there be a day that You have blessed that joins our hearts together as one, may we love and serve You with our hearts and lives, may you be glorified and Your name be praised.  Lord, You are faithful and Your goodness abounds, what a precious gift You have brought me, thank you for this peace I have, seeing You so readily in this man.  Lord, I am in awe of and humbled by Your power and thankful for the gifts of love and mercy You have blessed me with.

the man I've only dreamed of

Lord, what You are doing is supernatural, I couldn't have planned it better, Lord, I didn't know that You formed peoples' hearts like this, I stand in speechless amazement and awe, at the love You display through this man before me.  This feeling of peace, and hope, and overwhelming joy, and love, and excitement, and abounding dreams.

He says he's not patient, but he is the most patient man I've ever known--six months, this is a virtuous man, to put Your work above his desires.  Not having any idea of his affections until an appropriate time, he is a man of self control and perseverance.  He is humble and he is kind, he puts others before himself, he is intentional with his relationship with You Lord.  He honors you with his whole life.  He is eager to pray for me and does it as naturally as breathing.  Lord, his heart is peaceful and open before you, so evident through his words, woven like an honest song unfolding before me from the deepness of his heart.

Lord, he lavishes me with adorations, loving me the way my heart longs to be loved.  He sees me.  He knows me.  He respects and honors me, Lord.  He makes me feel anew, precious, lovely.  I find myself sighing in a reckless abandon to love, this pure and freeing love that is rooted in You Lord--a gift from above.  You love to give your children good gifts, and this is beyond anything I could imagine.  Lord, his heart is beautifully made--made to match up with mine, compliment it in every way.  

I am NEW and our God is Good!

Oh the joy that floods my soul, overwhelming and overflowing my heart, an unstoppable deluge, Lord. Today I do feel different, I feel new, I feel like this new life you speak of!  I have known you and You have walked beside me and worked in my heart for so many years, but today, I stand, proudly declaring that You are my Father, my Savior, my king, Lord, you are the one who directs and guides my life and pray that You would continue the work You have begun.


"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." --1Peter 1:3-9 

Lately You have answered unfathomable prayers and blessed me with showers upon showers of grace and mercy and blessings, that I don't even know how to respond to.  Lord, I surrender this vessel to You, to Your will, to Your plans, Your work.

scars

You fill the space of all that the world has left empty.  The expectations and promises of the world left me unfulfilled.  I trusted those who were weak, who knew not what they were saying or thinking.  It is good to trust people, to have hope in people, but not too many times.  Too much faith or trust in people has made me out to be a fool.

There is a deep purple scar on my heart, thick with scar tissue that only You can knead, You can heal, only You can relieve the pain.  I opened myself up to love again, and again, and again

remember, I Am who I Am

May I feel the fullness of your love and grace in the hole that's in my heart.  This crater that you have let form, may you fill it with your overwhelming love and hope and peace and patience, Lord.  You, the God that can create and move mountains, can change hearts and give hope, in places left empty by the world.  

May I not take your grace lightly, may I sit before your feet and begin to grasp the gravity of your grace, the costliness of which You have paid for my sin; and respond with a life that acknowledges this profound gift, without ever taking it lightly or for granted.  

Your gifts are overwhelming and you lavish them upon me, Lord.  May my heart stay humble and thankful before you, even in the midst of things being taken from me or removed from my life--for You know what will be a blessing and honor to Your name and Your kingdom.  When I question and begin to doubt Your purposes in my life, may You remind me that You are sovereign, that You love me, and that You are working all things out for my good and Your glory, Lord.  

Remember.  That's what I hear You saying to me.  Remember, where I have taken You from, remember what I have saved You from, remember who I have called you to be, remember how I responded to you when you have cried out to me, remember what I have taught You, remember my words and my works in your life, Lauren.  Remember who I am.  Look around you, do you see this beautiful world I have created, look into the eyes of the people I have placed in your life, listen for My still small voice in our time together.  You are my daughter, whom I've known before you were born, I love you and I will not let you go, I am with you and living inside of you, I will not leave you or forsake you, you are beautiful in my eyes and I will see My work in you through the end of this life--till we meet face to face. 

lead me

"Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love." 2 Peter 1:2-7

"It is the initiative of God and the presence of god without which all of our efforts are in vain--whether it is in justification or sanctification or in the realm of the exercise of power, all our efforts will be in vain if God does not act.  But we had better believe that the back side of that verse reads: "If you do nothing it will be without me."  And this is the part we have the hardest time hearing"  Dallas Willard, Spiritual Formation: What it is, and How it is Done

Create in me a new heart, oh Lord.  May my life reflect Your Holy Spirit that lives inside me.  I pray that You would give me Your strength and peace and holiness during uncertain times, that You would be my rock and my joy.  May what I profess with my lips be proclaimed through my life.  Keep me steadfast in your love--recognizing my failures and thus, my desperate need for you, while helping to make me holy, loving and giving back to You that which is already Yours.

Lord, You have captured my heart from the darkness and rescued me into Your light, may You continue to work in me and help me to grow into a creature that is beautiful.  I pray that You would narrow the gap between what I confess with my mouth and how I act in this world.  Since this life is eternal, I pray that You would give me the strength to obey You, a heart that desires goodness, and a body that acts in communion with You and Your purposes.  Keep me from disobedience and encourage me into actions of Your will, for Your glory, Lord.