to dream a perfect day

Things I'm looking forward to:

sleep

painting

reading

thinking

praying

just being

A day where I wake up early after a great night's sleep, go to the starbucks near my house and sit and read, and journal, while watching the rain through the window, with a venti peppermint latte in hand.  Yeah, that sounds nice, that sounds perfect.

death

I am a pretty hopeful person. Hopeful about life, death, etc. The only thing that I am truly afraid of if someone I truly love died. I don't know how I would be able to handle it. My whole life has gone by without this one fact of life occurring. What will I do when life catches up with me and I will have to face this, deal with it, internalize it, live with it. Will I ever get past it? Will days get easier? I believe I will--I get over things, that's just what I do.

I don't think it's the death so much, as the concern for where this loved one will end up. Will they end up in heaven. That scares me if i answer this question. Naturally the question that follows is: How do people get into heaven? What do they have to believe? What does the bible say?

A slim part of me leans toward the proclaiming that Jesus is Lord, but a larger part of me leans toward God knowing each of our hearts. But then what do you do with someone who acknoledges God, "a god", even Jesus, may or may not consider oneself a Christian, who does good and lives out a Jesus-like outward/otherness type of life (not perfectly, but none of us do). What do you do with the "good person"?

What do I do with the "good person"? How do I talk to someone I've known my whole life about God. How do you introduce God/Jesus in a new and refreshing way, so that the authenticity of Him is revealed verses the religious constructs of the past? How do you try and reach out, all the while giving it over to God knowing that it is ultimately up to Him to change this person's heart. It's a catch 22! How does our free will fit into God's sovereignty?

Autumn

Favorite things about autumn/fall:

1.  the leaves on trees that actually change colors (here in Cali)

2.  the smell of asphalt when it rains

3.  thanksgiving

4.  scarves

5.  road trips for snowboarding

6.  movies on rainy days

7.  fires 

8.  reading in sbux with a pumpkin spice latte...hmmmm.

the good one

My younger sister just moved to Oregon last week. Cold, snow, green hippies, & adventure. She is the type of person that can do that, just up and leave, move. She is the truest definition of a free spirit. I envy that in her. I can't help but think about life--my life, and what it would be like if I lived my life that way--just doing crazy things and moving and living all sorts of cool places. Will I regret not doing that when I am older? Will I regret things I didn't do when I was young and had few responsibilities? maybe.

I almost feel that it is my duty to be responsible. To be the "good one", the responsible one, the one who will take care of things, the strong one, the one people will go to when they need help...I've always been that "one". When do I get to be the other one, the one that really gets to screw up, the one that drives our parents up the wall, the one that causes all the excitement, the one that can just pick up and leave whenever one wants? Well, actually, that doesn't sound like fun...not all of it. Maybe I like being the "good one". Sometimes I wish I could do crazy things though, to experience other places, other cultures, other's lives. Maybe someday.

genesis

Something has been re-awakened in me.  As of late I have been aching for a way to express myself, an outlet--so here goes...  I don't know what this blog is going to be yet, but probably just and expression of my heart.  At times, an emission of my stream of consciousness out into cyber space.  Let's just sea where this ship is going to lead us...